Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they’ll say you’re crazy and you’re blasphemous, and they’ll either put you in jail or in a nut house (which is pretty much the same thing). However if you wake up in India and tell your friends and relations, ‘My goodness, I’ve just discovered that I’m God,’ they’ll laugh and say, ‘Oh, congratulations, at last you found out.

Alastair Campbell

Friends have suggested that I am the least qualified person to talk about happiness, because I am often down, and sometimes profoundly depressed. But I think that's where my qualification comes from. Because to know happiness, it helps to know unhappiness.

Amy Grant

Depending on what day of the week it is and what time of the month it is, I'm a good friend or not a good friend. I'm more or less a good mom or not a good mom, more or less a good mate or not a good mate. That's just life, whether or not you're public.

Anaïs Nin

Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying 'You gave me the wrong key!

Ann Patchett

Writing is a job, a talent, but it's also the place to go in your head. It is the imaginary friend you drink your tea with in the afternoon.

Anna Akhmatova

My shadow serves as the friend I crave.

Banksy

Once upon a time there was a bear and a bee who lived in a wood and were the best of friends. All summer long the bee collected nectar from morning to night while the bear lay on his back basking in the long grass. When winter came the bear realised he had nothing to eat and thought to himself 'I hope that busy little bee will share some of his honey with me.' But the bee was nowhere to be found - he had died of a stress induced coronary disease.

Bernard Meltzer

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Bill Watterson

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.

Charlotte Brontë

I can be on guard against my enemies, but God deliver me from my friends!

Cher Horowitz

She’s my friend because we both know what it’s like to have people be jealous of us.

Chetan Bhagat

Why should any guy want to be only friends with a girl? It’s like agreeing to be near a chocolate cake and never eat it. It’s like sitting in a racing car but not driving it.

Christian Morgenstern

Laughter is not a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is the best ending for one.

Christina Aguilera

Right now I'm pretty single... My career is my boyfriend.

Chuck Palahniuk

Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly -- all these make for great stories.

Bernard Meltzer

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Blaise Pascal

I lay it down as a fact that if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.

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Darynda Jones

An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Dean Koontz

If one's friends do not openly laugh at him, they are not in fact his friends.

Dorothy Parker
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

Doug Larson
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Edgar Allan Poe
I have great faith in fools - self-confidence my friends will call it.

Ellen Schreiber
Black is a girl's best friend.

Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Ethel Watts Mumford
God gave us our relatives thank God we can choose our friends.

Friedrich Nietzsche
Love is blind, friendship closes its eyes.

Fred Durst
That's your best friend and your worst enemy - your own brain.

Gerard Way
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

Gerard Way
Let me tell you how the story ends, where the good guys die and the bad guys win. It doesn't matter how many friends you make, but the graffiti they write on your grave.

Why not keep this resource at your fingertips?

Gilbert K. Chesterton
We make our friends we make our enemies but God makes our next door neighbour.

Gina Barreca
It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds.

Giovanni G. Casanova
Laugh at your friends, and if your friends are sore; So much the better, you may laugh the more.

Groucho Marx
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

Hunter S. Thompson

If you can't make yourself understood by your friends, you'll be in trouble when your enemies come for you.

Izaak Walton

I love such mirth as does not make friends ashamed to look upon one another next morning.

J.K. Rowling

Ah, Harry, how often this happens, even between the best of friends! Each of us believes that what he has to say is much more important than anything the other might have to contribute!

J.R.R. Tolkien

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Jack Nicholson

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.

Jack Nicholson

Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don't love.

Jane Austen

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.

Jarod Kintz

Scars exist to show that I existed. I myself don’t have any scars, but every single one of my friends has a healed up knife wound deep in their back. 

Jay McInerney

The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.

Jennifer Wilson

A messy house is a must - it separates your true friends from other friends. Real friends are there to visit you not your house!

Jenny Lawson

A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.

Jess C. Scott

That’s sad. How plastic and artificial life has become. It gets harder and harder to find something…real.” Nin interlocked his fingers, and stretched out his arms. “Real love, real friends, real body parts…”

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Jimmy Fallon

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

Jule Styne

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Julianna Margulies

The reason I met my husband was because I remembered a friend's birthday. The moral of the story is: Remember people's birthdays.

Kaylee Stepkos

A true best friend may get you into trouble, but they will always be there to pull you out of it too.

Leslie Knope

We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn't matter, but work is third.

Linda Grayson

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

Mae West

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.

Margaret Atwood

Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Having no friends, I must make do with enemies.

Mark Lawrence

I’m a liar and a cheat and a coward, but I will never, ever, let a friend down. Unless of course not letting them down requires honesty, fair play, or bravery.

Mark Twain
It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.

Mary Renault
True friends share everything, except the past before they met.

Max Lucado
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning... Face it, friend. He is crazy about you!

Mitch Hedberg
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Nick Miller
You know what sucks about getting older? Your friends have known you for way too long. They’ve got too much on you. I want friends who still lie to me because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. I sadly kind of mean that.

Orson Welles
If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

Oscar Wilde

A good friend will always stab you in the front.

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

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P. J. O'Rourke

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

Philip Larkin

I have no enemies. But my friends don't like me.

Philip Pullman

When he'd sworn at her and been sworn at in return, they became great friends.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Richelle Mead

I can be a good friend, or a bad enemy.

Rita Mae Brown

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

Robert Greene

Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies.

Robert Bloch

Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.

Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Roger Zelazny

Nobody steals books but your friends.

Shel Silverstein

I know a way to stay friends forever, There's really nothing to it, I tell you what to do, And you do it.

Sidney Sheldon

To be successful you need friends and to be very successful you need enemies.

Steve Irwin

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

Steven Wright

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

Sicilian Proverb

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty

Susan Ee

“My friends call me Wrath,” says Raffe. “My enemies call me Please Have Mercy. What’s your name, soldier boy?”

Sylvia Plath

There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.

Taylor Dayne

I've had enough boyfriends and enough issues. I'd seen enough train wrecks.

Taylor Swift

I suffer from girlnextdooritis where the guy is friends with you and that's it.

Terry Pratchett

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

Terry Pratchett

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.

Voltaire

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend provided, of course, he really is dead.

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.

Wayne W. Dyer

Friends are God's way of apologizing for your family.

William Temple

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.

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